Columnist to Downtown gals: quit wining!

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May 19, 2003 // UPDATED 10:50 am - April 30, 2007
By: Julie Swenson
Julie Swenson

If you want to find your dream man, don\'t go to stupid promotional events

In the last eight years in public relations, I\'ve had more than my share of hair-brained ideas for retail promotions. An indoor Frisbee- throwing contest that ended with a trip to the emergency room is the first of many disasters that come to mind.

Dumb ideas, yes, but never demeaning. So I ask, what were the folks at Haskell\'s thinking when they brought in Andrew \"The Bachelor\" Firestone for a one-evening wine rush back in April? How desperate do they think the single women of Minneapolis really are? Were they thinking that we would see this as a chance at a lottery ticket out of our tortured lives at the office? I can just hear the marketing meeting now, \"Every single woman in Minneapolis will line up around the block to get a chance at snagging this guy. Think Minnesota Cinderella meets the tire prince/winemaker. It will be big, big, big!\"

As if Andrew Firestone would marry one of my smart, gorgeous and very well-dressed single Minneapolis sisters after meeting her at a Haskell\'s promotional event. \"Hi mom, I\'m getting married to the desperate woman I met on the publicity tour in Minneapolis.\"

Somehow I don\'t think that would fly on the Society Page or in the Choate School Alumni newsletter.

And if you check out www.andrewfirestone.

com, you\'ll instantly see what a narcissist this guy really is anyway. Who can blame him - if I had all that money and a national television audience telling me I was gorgeous, I\'d probably plaster a Web site with pictures of me and my dog, too.

So where does a single woman over 30 go to dig up a guy? Obviously not to the wine shop\'s misplaced photo opp. And good god, not Speed Dating, Match.com or any other variation of a pathetic personal ad. No, no, no.

She just quits looking. Yep, she really quits looking and does whatever she wants, whenever she wants to. Just like guys do. When was the last time you heard a guy complain about meeting women? Never. Mostly because there are far more single women than men, but it\'s also because a guy rolls around in his singlehood like a pig in the mud. He wakes up one day, looks around and sees no mom, wife or girlfriend telling him that he can\'t have a motorcycle and runs out and buys one that afternoon. Guys embrace being single with wild abandon, and we should to.

So ladies, starting today be just as selfish as the last creep who broke your heart. In fact, you should be more selfish and enjoy every minute of it. The second you start to feel like a loser and like you need a date, remember these eight magical words, \"No one is counting on me for dinner tonight.\" Do you know what a married woman with kids would give to be able to utter that phrase once in a while? She\'d clean out the joint checking account and offer one of the kids in exchange for some peace and quiet.

If you are single, your life is all yours. And so is your checking account. If you want to clean it out for one of those adorable $768 red YSL backpack purses, go right ahead girlfriend. It\'s all up to you, and you don\'t need to clear anything with some guy who probably didn\'t do as well as you in economics anyway.

Heck, since no one is relying on you for dinner, go get yourself an MBA while your married friends are nuking hot dogs for the kids. Over the years, as you make more and more money with your MBA, you\'ll eventually cross paths with a hot intern, buy him a motorcycle and count on him to make you dinner on those nights when you feel a little lonely.

When not bonking people with Frisbees, Julie Swenson (Julie@abbaspr.com) owns Abbas Public Relations.