The giant hamburger chain announced that its signature golden arches would replace the bridge's historic stone arches.
"It's a health thing as much as a product placement," explained one McDonald's executive. "With all the bad publicity about our fatty products lately, we're hoping the image of a river flowing through our Golden Arches will subtly convey that your blood will flow freely through your arteries after you eat our burgers and fries."
However, an animal rights group known as People for Ethical Targeting of Meat Eaters (PETME) announced they would swarm the re-branded bridge with blood-red kayaks in an attempt to "clot" the river, subverting any commercial message.
This fictional story is part of April Fools Week!