Facing long odds at the state legislature for a $35 million subsidy for its Downtown
riverfront theater, Guthrie Theater leaders made a blatant play for fiscal conservatives by unveiling a revised design that turns every surface into an American flag.
"Actors are trained to provoke necessary emotions," said a top Guthrie official. "We'll do what we have to do."
Removing a potential p.r. obstacle, Guthrie leaders fired French architect Jean Nouvel, telling him to "go design stuff for that pantywaist Chirac."
In perhaps the most blatant play for votes, Guthrie leaders announced that their third, experimental stage would become the Arlon Lindner Theater, showcasing works by playwrights who are "not gay or lesbian or transgender, not African, Asian, Latino or Native American, not Buddhist, Hindu, Jewish or Muslim."
The Lindner Theater would feature plays in which history is freely rewritten.
This fictional story is part of April Fools Week!